Today, you're going to piss in the wastebasket!

A bit ornate, but let's not be picky.

It's not that you mind the uncomfortable sensation of your kidneys filled to bursting, but try as you might to think about the mundane aspects of life like grocery shopping, crying in the shower, or lurking on your ex-girlfriend's facebook...you're simply unable to put leaky faucets and waterfalls out of your head. 

How many times have I been drunk, you think to yourself.  Not just drunk, but so drunk that I would lay in bed the next morning and have a serious debate with myself about whether I should actually GET UP to pee, or whether I should just go in the bed?

Your prostate feels like an overripe honeydew.  DEW.  SHIT.

You ponder thrashing around limply in your pathos, but quickly decide against it.  This is the interesting part.  If your life were a movie, this is where the score would consist of plucked violins, maybe a hesitant xylophone overture, as you put your virtual thinking cap on.  The camera would zero in on your squinted eyes as you formed your devious plan.

You make a few hops sideways on the futon, closer to the edge.  This is harder than it seems as you are mainly kicking your legs for the momentum, and the sloshing of your bladder makes you groan.  Thankfully it is morning and you are in a state of semi-arousal, so you think you can just barely manage to arc the stream of urine across half of the bedroom and into the awaiting wastebasket in the attached bathroom.

You're going to have to push.  It might hurt, but this is the point of no return.  You take a deep breath and-

It's...BEAUTIFUL.


Your stream is powerful, the world is just.  The wastebasket in the bathroom nearly topples, but your aim is true.  Unfortunately pressure does not last and the finishing touch offends the white carpet, but just...barely.  This might not present a problem.

If you can find a way to get out of these handcuffs, the girl you met last night at Sizzler that lashed you naked to her futon might not get back in time to find out you pissed all up in her business.

Good luck!